May 2013
some bitch: omg you wore that shirt the other day
me: yeah well in my house we have this amazing thing called a washing machine
hitlervevo:
why the fuck cant we text the police
lets say there is a murderer in ur house and you’re hiding behind your sofa and you do have your phone with you but you can’t call the police because the murderer might hear you
heartcramp:
Look, if you nicely tell me that swearing makes you uncomfortable and you politely ask me not to, I will stop immediately and speak nicer than a nun.
But if you start acting like you’re on some fucking high horse, or telling me that I’m going to Hell for talking the way that I do and you can’t “be around that kind of language” then you can bet your motherfuckin’ ass that I’ll be...
googlehomie:
you’re gonna regret not dating me after I get hot
sir-pyllero:
hankler-fish:
blainestorm:
ckweek:
squidkneee:
phlynn:
summer bloggin
happened to fast
summer bloggin
had me a blast
I met a friend crazy for me
Met a blog, cute as can be
tumblr days, drifted away
but oohh-oh those tumblr nights
TELL ME MORE TELL ME MORE,
LIKE DID YOU GET AN ASK!?
tell me more tell me more
did you reblog that ass
white dad in any movie: but son, you're throwing away your DREAM
white son in any movie: no dad, I'm throwing away ~yours~
suchagaymer:
jerkidiot:
if you eat a chicken and egg sandwich, you’re basically eating one thing at different times of its life
like when you eat a baby and an elderly person at the same time.
the-vashta-nerada:
waffeey:
the-vashta-nerada:
i was biking for a long time yesterday so i went into a smoke shop to buy some water and when i was walking out this white girl in shorts and uggs was like “SMOKING IS BAD FOR YOU” and instead of telling her i went in for water i was like “it’s like 70 fucking degrees out and you’re wearing uggs. i don’t trust your judgement” and i rode away on...
eloweasel:
k1mkardashian:
sometimes i read read as read when it’s actually supposed to be read as read
I want to cry
bedquest:
dear fucking tumblr
this is a fucking bumblebee
this is a fucking bee
this is a fucking hornet
this is a fucking wasp
as you can fucking see the longer their legs are and the less fuzzy they are is equivalent to how fucking evil they fucking are
i feel like people who eat breakfast really have their lives together
